Choosing faith over fear

I remember during our first five day stay in the hospital being suddenly so overwhelmed. We had been there for quite a while and things weren't really better. Lee had his symptoms for weeks now and finally after tons of tests he had the diagnosis to explain it all, Ulcerative Colitis.

My heart broke when he started amending his dreams of graduate school. Knowing that this was a lifetime illness and hearing the doctors talk about the severity of his particular case, he even wondered out loud if he could keep up basketball as exercise. Lee was thinking through the medical implications of the prolonged use of prednisone. He couldn't really hold the usual conversation with our Braxton because he takes his role as dad so seriously and was worried he may not get to have the same playful relationship with his sons as he had hoped for. Everything was weighing on him. Naturally I took a lot of that on too!

I am a type A personality anyway. Honestly I plan everything and like to have as many things as I can figured out ahead of time. So of course this whole experience was hard. One because I had to see my best friend hurt. I hate that! Really I wish it was me instead of him. Two, this just brought in so many unknowns into the picture. What really made this all worse was having nothing but time to think. It didn't take long before I started to worry. Thoughts about Lee's health turned very stressful once I considered possible loss of wages throughout the year and what that meant for raising two boys, saving for grad school, moving out of this house, keeping up with bills, always having the best health insurance, returning to work in a flexible way where I could care for a sick husband and my young family... I was a mess!

Then I did what I always do, turn to God. I just opened my scriptures. Really the book fell open in my hands and I read. At that moment I felt loved and comforted because the verses were the answer to my pleading prayer. With tears soaking my scripture pages, I turned away from fear and back to my faith.

Doctrine and Covenants 84:81-83 http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/84 81 Therefore, take ye no athought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed. 82 For, consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these. 83 For your Father, who is in heaven, knoweth that you have need of all these things. ___________________________________________________________

I read all the scriptures in the Bible and Book of Mormon index with the words faith and hope. Here's another that helped!1 Nephi 7:12 -- Book of Mormon 12 Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.