So a funny Braxton experience happened because of Moroni 7:12-16. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/moro/7
12 Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.
13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.
14 Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.
15 For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.
16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.
We had mentioned at the dinner table that good things come from God. I reviewed the word blessing there and Braxton went on to name some that he knew. Later I chose that scripture to read as a family before bed. As we went along Lee and I discussed with Braxton about whose plan we should follow. He already knew the answer was Heavenly Father and Jesus'. Braxton decided from the conversation and many previous to this that Satan is yucky and not a friend.
Wanting to focus on Jesus, the topic turned to what makes Christ such a good friend. We all agreed it was because he spent his life helping, would be there everytime we need him, he teaches us how to be happy and prayed for us in the Garden (Braxton's favorite). He showed some real excitement at the mention of that and then said "Oh that is so good." I explained that Jesus knew his name and would call out for him when they could meet again. More smiles! Braxton immediately thought only one thing and lucky for us he said it out loud. "I would run to him!" I said "Me too!" As soon as that left my lips I saw Braxton processing. I nodded and Lee just waited. We both knew what was coming next.
"Mom we would have to start away from him. Then run, run, run! I would try to beat you there. A race!" So essentially my three year old was telling me that at the Second Coming the first one to Jesus wins! :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Too smart for me
Conversation from a few days ago... Braxton (avoiding bedtime): I don't sleep at night. I am an owl. Mom: Really?? Did you know that owls eat rats? Braxton: Eww.. no way jose. He went to bed not long after that. Good thinking me!
Now that he's figured out that I am not able (or willing) to put a rodent of any kind on his dinner plate he claims to be an owl again. Silly boy! :)
Now that he's figured out that I am not able (or willing) to put a rodent of any kind on his dinner plate he claims to be an owl again. Silly boy! :)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Oh brother Braxton!
So last night Braxton was up WAY later than the rest of us, which is actually quite normal. Usually this just means he gets down every toy in effort to entertain himself. We also hear him singing to the cd that he replays over and over. There are times we hear him talking to a friend named Fabi Du -- not sure on the spelling since this in fact an imaginary friend.
Still last night was even better than most. He kept coming into our room to find out the whereabouts on every stuffed animal (like I actually knew), wanting me to hear his newest song on the electric guitar and asking me to open green playdoh. On one of these visits I smelled something. I thought about where I knew this sweet scent. As he approached my bed, (for who knows what reason) I realized that it was my Aussie aerosol hairspray. Judging from his hair, I would be lucky to have any the next morning. That was my only thought before closing my eyes and falling deep asleep.
Then he asked, "Mom can you get me a snack?" In exhaustion, I just said "Braxton you know where the snacks are." Believe me the boy rearranges my pantry nearly everyday as he says "I am just looking for something yummy for my tummy." He leaves. I roll over knowing it will be about three minutes before I am awake again. Sure enough I was right. I hear the loudest shout of excitement and pictured Braxton jumping up and down as he found the perfect midnight snack. I thought to myself that maybe that would be the end of the interruptions. Right again!
Then the real fun was waking up in the morning and seeing that Braxton found my peanut butter pie, dug out all of the Reese's cups and tried his best to get at the Oreo crust. I giggled and wished I would have got out of bed to help him. That wouldn't be the last of my regrets.
As I was getting my little one ready for church, I knew this morning would be especially challenging. Another Sunday with Lee at work and I felt sick. Then Braxton turned the corner of the hall. As soon as I saw him I knew getting him to his Sunday best was going to be work! Every hair on his hair was matted to his head. He must have added more spray! We talked about getting in the bath and he made a fearful expression (which was actually humorous with the hairspray residue that stiffened the skin on his forehead). He absolutely hates washing his hair in the first place and now that it was tangled into a pokey mess we were both dreading the task!
I had done plenty of laughing early on but now I was really wishing I would have spent the extra time with him late last night, even if I was both sick and tired. Lesson learned!
Still last night was even better than most. He kept coming into our room to find out the whereabouts on every stuffed animal (like I actually knew), wanting me to hear his newest song on the electric guitar and asking me to open green playdoh. On one of these visits I smelled something. I thought about where I knew this sweet scent. As he approached my bed, (for who knows what reason) I realized that it was my Aussie aerosol hairspray. Judging from his hair, I would be lucky to have any the next morning. That was my only thought before closing my eyes and falling deep asleep.
Then he asked, "Mom can you get me a snack?" In exhaustion, I just said "Braxton you know where the snacks are." Believe me the boy rearranges my pantry nearly everyday as he says "I am just looking for something yummy for my tummy." He leaves. I roll over knowing it will be about three minutes before I am awake again. Sure enough I was right. I hear the loudest shout of excitement and pictured Braxton jumping up and down as he found the perfect midnight snack. I thought to myself that maybe that would be the end of the interruptions. Right again!
Then the real fun was waking up in the morning and seeing that Braxton found my peanut butter pie, dug out all of the Reese's cups and tried his best to get at the Oreo crust. I giggled and wished I would have got out of bed to help him. That wouldn't be the last of my regrets.
As I was getting my little one ready for church, I knew this morning would be especially challenging. Another Sunday with Lee at work and I felt sick. Then Braxton turned the corner of the hall. As soon as I saw him I knew getting him to his Sunday best was going to be work! Every hair on his hair was matted to his head. He must have added more spray! We talked about getting in the bath and he made a fearful expression (which was actually humorous with the hairspray residue that stiffened the skin on his forehead). He absolutely hates washing his hair in the first place and now that it was tangled into a pokey mess we were both dreading the task!
I had done plenty of laughing early on but now I was really wishing I would have spent the extra time with him late last night, even if I was both sick and tired. Lesson learned!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
So I guess pain does = gain
So this year has given me a chance to grow. I don't like that my loved ones have been in pain but it has been these moments that have changed me forever.
One thought I've had lately is about what it means to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those that need comfort. All it took was to hear the nervousness in his voice or see a tear in his eyes and my arms were wrapped around Lee. I knew love was all I had to offer at so many points recently.
After completing the antibiotics for his double ear infections, Bryson continued to cough and wake himself up. This normally happy baby spent so much of the night screaming. I grabbed a pillow and blanket to sleep in the room down the hall on the floor next to a baby who hurt.
After finding out Bryson had pneumonia, Braxton started to show similar symptoms. I didn't have the lap for it but found myself somehow rocking two boys who only wanted to be held. One night Braxton complained about the hurt he was feeling. I had laid him in bed and it was very late. He begged me to sleep by him for a while and I did. That night I couldn't have left for my bed without knowing he went to sleep in a peaceful way.
I thought about all these things and about conversations I've had with family members this past week. All have a common feeling behind them. I don't want anyone to hurt and I especially don't want anyone to hurt alone. Whether it's our bodies or our hearts no one should have to be the only one bearing the burden. Everyone needs the comfort that only love can bring.
I am blessed to know of the greatest source of pure love, Jesus Christ. It is Him I rely on for comfort. It is He that helps bears my burdens. This knowledge and testimony has changed my life forever. Even in my trials, I am able to be thankful because of the goodness of God and his son. I know that my life is full and I am blessed in so many ways!
One thought I've had lately is about what it means to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those that need comfort. All it took was to hear the nervousness in his voice or see a tear in his eyes and my arms were wrapped around Lee. I knew love was all I had to offer at so many points recently.
After completing the antibiotics for his double ear infections, Bryson continued to cough and wake himself up. This normally happy baby spent so much of the night screaming. I grabbed a pillow and blanket to sleep in the room down the hall on the floor next to a baby who hurt.
After finding out Bryson had pneumonia, Braxton started to show similar symptoms. I didn't have the lap for it but found myself somehow rocking two boys who only wanted to be held. One night Braxton complained about the hurt he was feeling. I had laid him in bed and it was very late. He begged me to sleep by him for a while and I did. That night I couldn't have left for my bed without knowing he went to sleep in a peaceful way.
I thought about all these things and about conversations I've had with family members this past week. All have a common feeling behind them. I don't want anyone to hurt and I especially don't want anyone to hurt alone. Whether it's our bodies or our hearts no one should have to be the only one bearing the burden. Everyone needs the comfort that only love can bring.
I am blessed to know of the greatest source of pure love, Jesus Christ. It is Him I rely on for comfort. It is He that helps bears my burdens. This knowledge and testimony has changed my life forever. Even in my trials, I am able to be thankful because of the goodness of God and his son. I know that my life is full and I am blessed in so many ways!
A warm moment in a cold hospital room
So after about two weeks in St. Joe's, Lee's situation seemed to get just a little bit better and then almost instantly his body crashed. The doctors wanted to take him down for tests and were discussing the idea of surgery with such seriousness. We found out that with all of the antibiotics given for the UC and a dose of Remecaid (immuno-suppressant) in another hospital, he at some point became infected with a superbug, C diff Colitis. The problem was that he had both forms of Colitis and the treatment for one was fueling the other. They started a pretty agressive treatment on the infection and we waited to see change.
After all the emotional ups and downs and an uncertain future, Lee got a break when his cousins came to visit. He smiled more as he watched the game and joked back and forth. So good for me to see! He needed just to forget for a little while. As they were leaving he asked them for a *priesthood blessing. No doubt he needed the comfort it would bring. I tried to listen intently. With their hands on his head, his cousins provided a huge service to Lee. One line stuck out in my mind. Lee was told that "help would come from unknown sources" and it did over and over again.
I knew that family would help. That just wasn't a question. Through every hospital visit both sets of grandparents and my siblings, in their love, took on my kids. They willingly gave their time and even money to make sure my little ones had the care that they needed. I did remember that line when I was told about my mother in law's coworkers offering to watch them and even my sister's sitter adding Braxton to her day.
Lee's coworkers offered a generous amount of their PTO into a fund for him. That wasn't something we were expecting. What kind people to forget themselves and help us in a trying time. I pray that blessings will be sent their way for the love that they have shown.
Honestly the help that got me the most was everyone's love and prayers. Lee's name was on several denominations' prayer rolls and special fasts were started on his behalf in many cities around the state. I knew that my cousin Jennifer blogged about us and went to the website to thank her. My heart was full of gratitude when I saw her friends' comments and commitment to keep our family (strangers to them) in their prayers.
There was one moment in particular that warmed my heart. I had put a few quotes on the dry erase board on Lee's wall, scriptures I found that would uplift us and remind us who's plan we are living.
Phillipians 4:13 (hangs on my wall at home)13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Doctrine and Covenants 68:66 Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you...
All of the doctors were consulting with Lee and letting him know that they needed to see some dramatic change during the weekend, implying that a surgery may be on the horizon if everything continued as it had for weeks.
I had looked at Lee's medical student as she read the board. Our eyes made contact just after and the two of us were both tearing up. I smiled and she looked away. She stayed after all the doctors left. She asked a simple question to Lee and I. "Are you Christian?" I replied with a yes. Lee went on to say that we were Mormon and I followed him with "so yes we are Christian." Her next words were not anticipated. "My fiance and I prayed for you last night. I gave your name to my parents and they prayed for you too." We of course thanked her several times over for her kindness and Lee said "You don't know how much that means."
Help truly came from unknown sources. I think the good that came from Lee's time in the hospital was that it restored my hope in the goodness of people. For years, the crime in my neighborhood has made me skeptical about people's intentions. This is not my nature. I am usually someone who wants to trust, someone who thinks that people are much like me. I liked that I was able to find that part of myself again!
*Information about Priesthood Blessings on LDS.org http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?index=16&locale=0&sourceId=57560abf0c4b2110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
After all the emotional ups and downs and an uncertain future, Lee got a break when his cousins came to visit. He smiled more as he watched the game and joked back and forth. So good for me to see! He needed just to forget for a little while. As they were leaving he asked them for a *priesthood blessing. No doubt he needed the comfort it would bring. I tried to listen intently. With their hands on his head, his cousins provided a huge service to Lee. One line stuck out in my mind. Lee was told that "help would come from unknown sources" and it did over and over again.
I knew that family would help. That just wasn't a question. Through every hospital visit both sets of grandparents and my siblings, in their love, took on my kids. They willingly gave their time and even money to make sure my little ones had the care that they needed. I did remember that line when I was told about my mother in law's coworkers offering to watch them and even my sister's sitter adding Braxton to her day.
Lee's coworkers offered a generous amount of their PTO into a fund for him. That wasn't something we were expecting. What kind people to forget themselves and help us in a trying time. I pray that blessings will be sent their way for the love that they have shown.
Honestly the help that got me the most was everyone's love and prayers. Lee's name was on several denominations' prayer rolls and special fasts were started on his behalf in many cities around the state. I knew that my cousin Jennifer blogged about us and went to the website to thank her. My heart was full of gratitude when I saw her friends' comments and commitment to keep our family (strangers to them) in their prayers.
There was one moment in particular that warmed my heart. I had put a few quotes on the dry erase board on Lee's wall, scriptures I found that would uplift us and remind us who's plan we are living.
Phillipians 4:13 (hangs on my wall at home)13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Doctrine and Covenants 68:66 Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you...
All of the doctors were consulting with Lee and letting him know that they needed to see some dramatic change during the weekend, implying that a surgery may be on the horizon if everything continued as it had for weeks.
I had looked at Lee's medical student as she read the board. Our eyes made contact just after and the two of us were both tearing up. I smiled and she looked away. She stayed after all the doctors left. She asked a simple question to Lee and I. "Are you Christian?" I replied with a yes. Lee went on to say that we were Mormon and I followed him with "so yes we are Christian." Her next words were not anticipated. "My fiance and I prayed for you last night. I gave your name to my parents and they prayed for you too." We of course thanked her several times over for her kindness and Lee said "You don't know how much that means."
Help truly came from unknown sources. I think the good that came from Lee's time in the hospital was that it restored my hope in the goodness of people. For years, the crime in my neighborhood has made me skeptical about people's intentions. This is not my nature. I am usually someone who wants to trust, someone who thinks that people are much like me. I liked that I was able to find that part of myself again!
*Information about Priesthood Blessings on LDS.org http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?index=16&locale=0&sourceId=57560abf0c4b2110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
Friday, April 3, 2009
Choosing faith over fear
I remember during our first five day stay in the hospital being suddenly so overwhelmed. We had been there for quite a while and things weren't really better. Lee had his symptoms for weeks now and finally after tons of tests he had the diagnosis to explain it all, Ulcerative Colitis.
My heart broke when he started amending his dreams of graduate school. Knowing that this was a lifetime illness and hearing the doctors talk about the severity of his particular case, he even wondered out loud if he could keep up basketball as exercise. Lee was thinking through the medical implications of the prolonged use of prednisone. He couldn't really hold the usual conversation with our Braxton because he takes his role as dad so seriously and was worried he may not get to have the same playful relationship with his sons as he had hoped for. Everything was weighing on him. Naturally I took a lot of that on too!
I am a type A personality anyway. Honestly I plan everything and like to have as many things as I can figured out ahead of time. So of course this whole experience was hard. One because I had to see my best friend hurt. I hate that! Really I wish it was me instead of him. Two, this just brought in so many unknowns into the picture. What really made this all worse was having nothing but time to think. It didn't take long before I started to worry. Thoughts about Lee's health turned very stressful once I considered possible loss of wages throughout the year and what that meant for raising two boys, saving for grad school, moving out of this house, keeping up with bills, always having the best health insurance, returning to work in a flexible way where I could care for a sick husband and my young family... I was a mess!
Then I did what I always do, turn to God. I just opened my scriptures. Really the book fell open in my hands and I read. At that moment I felt loved and comforted because the verses were the answer to my pleading prayer. With tears soaking my scripture pages, I turned away from fear and back to my faith.
Doctrine and Covenants 84:81-83 http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/84 81 Therefore, take ye no athought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed. 82 For, consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these. 83 For your Father, who is in heaven, knoweth that you have need of all these things. ___________________________________________________________
I read all the scriptures in the Bible and Book of Mormon index with the words faith and hope. Here's another that helped!1 Nephi 7:12 -- Book of Mormon 12 Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
My heart broke when he started amending his dreams of graduate school. Knowing that this was a lifetime illness and hearing the doctors talk about the severity of his particular case, he even wondered out loud if he could keep up basketball as exercise. Lee was thinking through the medical implications of the prolonged use of prednisone. He couldn't really hold the usual conversation with our Braxton because he takes his role as dad so seriously and was worried he may not get to have the same playful relationship with his sons as he had hoped for. Everything was weighing on him. Naturally I took a lot of that on too!
I am a type A personality anyway. Honestly I plan everything and like to have as many things as I can figured out ahead of time. So of course this whole experience was hard. One because I had to see my best friend hurt. I hate that! Really I wish it was me instead of him. Two, this just brought in so many unknowns into the picture. What really made this all worse was having nothing but time to think. It didn't take long before I started to worry. Thoughts about Lee's health turned very stressful once I considered possible loss of wages throughout the year and what that meant for raising two boys, saving for grad school, moving out of this house, keeping up with bills, always having the best health insurance, returning to work in a flexible way where I could care for a sick husband and my young family... I was a mess!
Then I did what I always do, turn to God. I just opened my scriptures. Really the book fell open in my hands and I read. At that moment I felt loved and comforted because the verses were the answer to my pleading prayer. With tears soaking my scripture pages, I turned away from fear and back to my faith.
Doctrine and Covenants 84:81-83 http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/84 81 Therefore, take ye no athought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed. 82 For, consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these. 83 For your Father, who is in heaven, knoweth that you have need of all these things. ___________________________________________________________
I read all the scriptures in the Bible and Book of Mormon index with the words faith and hope. Here's another that helped!1 Nephi 7:12 -- Book of Mormon 12 Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
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